Do you ever feel like you know English, but when it comes to speaking, you simply freeze?

You've learned grammar, built your vocabulary, and practiced reading and writing. Yet, when it's time to speak, something happens.

It's like the right words vanish when you need them. Suddenly, you're hyper-aware of every word you say, worrying that you'll make a mistake or say something wrong.

Well, guess what? You're not alone. Many language learners find themselves in this frustrating situation.

We spend hours on vocabulary and grammar rules, but when it comes to actually speaking, we falter.

But why is that?

Breaking Free from the School Subject Mentality

One theory is that it’s a matter of mindset. Most non-native speakers learned English in school and still perceive it as a school subject, something that needs to be evaluated in terms of right or wrong, correct or incorrect.

The fear of bad grades has now morphed into this fear of being silently judged by others.

But what really matters in a conversation? Is perfect grammar the key to effective communication?

Back in the 1960s, psychology professor Albert Mehrabian published a study according to which only 7% of communication is conveyed through words.

7%!

So where's the rest? Well, according to Mehrabian, 38% of communication occurs through tone of voice and 55% through facial expressions and body language.

In other words, HOW we say things matters more than WHAT we say. Our intonation, charisma, and attitude have a stronger impact on our interlocutors than our choice of words or even our grammar mistakes.

Flawless Language ≠ Effective Communication

Imagine this scenario: Two people are giving business presentations simultaneously, each in a different room. Now, you have to choose which one to attend.

In room number 1, the speaker is confident, charismatic, and well-prepared. However, his English skills are not perfect, and he makes quite a few grammar mistakes here and there. But he handles them gracefully and confidently.

In room number 2, the speaker speaks perfect English, but he's rather hesitant, speaks too slowly and quietly, and doesn’t make much eye contact. Frankly, he’s a bit boring.

Now, be honest! Which room would you choose to enter: room number 1 or room number 2?

Most people are likely to PREFER speaker number 1.

However, most people are likely to BE speaker number 2.

We appreciate a variety of qualities in others. But when it comes to speaking English ourselves, we often focus too much on perfection and not enough on effective communication. We worry about making mistakes, not sounding fluent enough, and what others might think of our language skills. And the more we focus on the language when we speak, the harder it is to sound natural and convincing.

So, basically, if we think about Mehrabian’s model, we end up ignoring 93% of communication in favor of just 7%.

The Vicious Circle of Perfectionism

Oh, and this happens in the event that we actually decide to speak. Because an even worse effect of this fear of imperfection is that it keeps your mouth shut.

If you’re afraid of making mistakes, you will probably avoid speaking, especially in contexts where the stakes are high.

If you avoid speaking, you won’t get enough practice.

If you don’t practice, you won’t gain the confidence you need.

And a lack of confidence means even more anxiety. So it’s a vicious circle.

Sure, grammar is necessary for clarity. We won’t make ourselves understood if we don’t know some basic grammar rules.

Learning grammar, doing exercises – definitely useful. Overfocusing on grammar during conversation – not so useful.

So What Can You Do About It?

1. Focus on Communication, Not Perfection

If you want to improve your grammar skills, buy a grammar book and practice at home. Or do online exercises. You can even check out this grammar and vocabulary ebook I wrote: Oops! I won’t do it again!

But here's the thing: when you're in the middle of a conversation, try to focus more on your message and the person you're talking to, rather than worrying about grammar. This will make your interactions a lot more engaging and effective.

Remember, the goal of language is to convey meaning, not to impress others with perfect grammar.

2. Improve Your Overall Communication Skills

Think of communication as a toolbox. When you're talking to someone, you're using a variety of tools: intonation, volume, facial expressions, gestures, attitude, posture. Language is just one of these tools. It's important, but it's not the only one.

So, if you want to feel and look more confident when you speak English, why not work on these other tools too? Try varying your intonation, increasing your volume, making eye contact, and using pauses to emphasize key ideas.

If your overall communication skills are strong, chances are people won't even notice if you make a few mistakes here and there.

3. Practice, Practice, Practice

The more you practice speaking English, the more confident you'll become. Practice allows you to reinforce your language skills, build vocabulary, and improve pronunciation.

Try using English in real-life situations as much as you can. Whether it's ordering food at a restaurant, asking for directions, or striking up a conversation with a stranger, every interaction will help boost your confidence.

Keep in mind that the key to becoming a better speaker is to speak regularly.

If you want a safe and fun place to practice speaking and improve your overall communication skills, check out my upcoming SpeakUp Sessions.

4. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Staying quiet or speaking only when absolutely necessary might seem like the safest option. But safe isn’t always better.

So, take every opportunity to speak up, even in situations where you wouldn’t normally do so. Embrace these opportunities as chances to practice and succeed. And each new achievement will motivate you to do even more.

Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. That’s where all the magic happens.

In conclusion, learning English is just the first step. To truly feel confident using it, consider it as just one of the many tools you have for communication. Focus on effective communication, practice regularly, expose yourself to real English, and don't hesitate to step out of your comfort zone. With time and practice, you'll notice your confidence in using English growing.

And whenever you feel self-conscious or insecure, remember this: people enjoy listening to someone who is confident, charismatic, and likable. Not perfect.

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If you want to discover what's holding you back from speaking English with confidence, take the Speaking Saboteur Quiz!